“So what’s your love language?”
You’ve heard this question by now. But do you know about the Erotic Blueprint Types™?
From love languages to ancient astrology, we have many frameworks to use as tools for self exploration. When we approach a new model, we are usually seeking an enhanced awareness of who we are and how we operate. The Erotic Blueprint Types™ provide a system for understanding our erotic self, the sexual side of us that craves an expressive outlet.
I first learned of the Erotic Blueprints™ on the news. Er, I mean TikTok. It was 11:38pm on a Tuesday night (what, like I wasn’t going to screenshot this discovery?) and the algorithm was serving its finest couture content, made just for me. Along comes sex and intimacy coach Ally Jewel, smiling on my feed in cobalt blue glasses.
“There are 5 ways in which we all communicate sexually and they are called the Core Erotic Blueprints,” Ally says. “Let’s talk today about the second one — the Sensual.” Let it be known that when I finally did take the Erotic Blueprints™ quiz, my profile result was, in fact, the Sensual. Well played, TikTok. After describing the characteristics of the Sensual type, Ally invited us to join a free webinar to learn about the rest of the blueprints. I signed up right away.
If you’ve been reading this column for a while — first of all, I love you. Second, you know that a deep dive into what makes humans tick really gets me going. So a few days later, I poured myself a glass of red wine and settled in for the evening webinar.
Ally began with an overview of each erotic profile — Energetic, Sensual, Sexual, Kinky and Shapeshifter. She shared inspiring stories about clients (with consent) who saved their relationship and transformed their sex lives by applying this knowledge to enhance intimacy. I was struck by how universal the blueprints are. Having sex is a function of being alive, as natural as the sky is blue. However, having sex and having great sex are entirely different activities. Many of us who have sex still struggle to understand what exactly makes sex great and how to make sex even more pleasurable. In an effort to crack the case, I emailed Ally to request a conversation.
The Quest to Make Good Sex Great
“When I was very young, I wanted to be a sex education teacher,” Ally told me over Zoom, wearing the same blue glasses I had seen on TikTok. It wasn’t until Ally concluded 28 years as a clinical research scientist that her dream came true. “Now I jokingly say I take it from the wet lab to the sex lab,” she laughs. Drawn to energy healing, Ally attended an event hosted by Dr. John Amaral, somatic energy practitioner and educator. It was there that Ally crossed paths with Jaiya, the creator of the Erotic Blueprint Types™. The two shared an instant connection.
“Jaiya is a world renowned sex educator. She’s been doing this work for over two decades,” Ally told me. In this blog post, Jaiya describes the origin story of the Blueprints. “I naturally loved personality typing, tests like Meyers-Briggs, or the Enneagram,” she writes. “Could there be a similar typing for our erotic selves? Who are we as erotic beings? I was just 18 when I set out to answer that question.” Jaiya’s curiosity led her through extensive client observation and clinical research to discover the Erotic Blueprints™, described on her website as “a map of arousal that reveals your specific erotic language of orgasmic delight.” Yum.
Training with Jaiya is a natural extension of the life, business and fitness coaching that Ally had been doing for 20 years. Now she is one of eight people who is becoming a master coach for Jaiya’s community.
“As Tony Robbins always says, your relationships are either your greatest pain or your greatest pleasure. And I know from my past history, and what I [have been] seeing especially during COVID, we’re at nearly a 60% divorce rate. Two out of three of the [couples who] separate is due to intimacy issues or infidelity in the marriage. So that’s pretty high, and of the people that initiate divorce, 80% of them are women.”
We want our freedom and we want our orgasm, too.
As sex positivity gains visibility, it’s clear that we often don’t readily have language to give voice to our questions, observations and desires. The Erotic Blueprints™ can help.
“I see a lot of partners, especially if they’re in a loving relationship, that really want to make it work,” Ally says emphatically. “Both partners often feel they don’t even know what to do next. They think that the answer is to exit the relationship. They think that there’s a sexual incompatibility.” But what if leaving isn’t the only answer?
Ally firmly believes that there is no such thing as sexual incompatibility. What is often lacking is the sexual language to communicate clearly. Ally encourages her clients, who range in age from 23 to 75, to remain open to a new approach. “I’ll give you the tools,” she assures me. “I’ll give you the communication, the new language and the new words to be able to understand, to heal and to have that conversation to see each other differently.”
Why do sexual relationships fizzle out?
How can sex be great in the beginning, and then all of a sudden, what used to turn you on now turns you off? Though we may have never been taught this, the truth is that our sexual identities are constantly evolving. And like love languages, it is often the case that we embody an Erotic Blueprint™ that is opposite to our partner’s style. When this happens, our instinctual sexual wiring is at odds with our partner. The contrast may have been initially exciting, but now you’re thinking, “I don’t always want to have zero to 60 sex! I’m starving. I’m freaking starving for touch. I’m starving for energy. I’m starving for presence.”
Jaiya helps her clients, often as couples, identify their Erotic Blueprint™ during body mapping sessions. She simply presents different kinds of touch to a client’s body and asks them on a scale of 1-5 how pleasurable the sensation is. “Yes, you can get it cognitively,” Ally says, “But it’s not cognitive. You’ve got to also do it somatically. How do you integrate that into your body? How do you expand upon that? And then what’s coming up for you?”
Reignite Erotic Pleasure
Now, close to one million people have taken the Erotic Blueprint Quiz™. The data gathered affirms the fluid, personal and expansive nature of human sexuality. In other words, gender stereotypes do not apply to our lived sexual behavior. Not all women are Sensual types and not all men are Sexual types, even though society conditions us toward these profiles.
“If you look at all the comments on the Energetic [TikTok video], it’s like, ‘I feel so seen. I didn’t know that there was a name for this.’ It gives me goosebumps,” smiles Ally. “So many people feel like there is something wrong with them, like they were broken sexually.” With the support of new language, people are learning to satisfy their sexual needs, embrace an electric sex life and celebrate their true erotic nature. For example, Ally says, “the Energetic can shut down if it’s too much, too fast. So how do we just slow it down? And how do we play in the energy space?”
Now it’s your turn to welcome more pleasure into your life. Take the quiz, you frisky little cutie. Soon enough, someone will ask, “What’s your Erotic Blueprint™?” Let’s find your answer.
xo,
Viv
Follow Ally Jewel on Tiktok @CoachhAllyJewel. Explore Ally Jewel’s coaching work and schedule a Passionate Possibilities call on AllyJewel.com.
The Erotic Blueprint Types™ is also featured in the new Netflix show ‘Sex, Love & goop’ which premiered on October 21. Watch as Jaiya coaches couples to greater intimacy.
Tune in for a new Love and Sex column on The Kollection. If you liked this piece, be sure to check out “More Spun Than the Disco Ball” and share.